Hey, Get a Life!
by PinkCatsy
Summary: ONESHOT One bad breakup can often make one big loser. Can I call this a self-parody? Anywho Inuyasha wallows in an insane amount of self-pity over...guess who?


**Disclaimer:** The following is not my property: all of the characters appearing in Inuyasha, including Inuyasha; the plot of Inuyasha; and anything else that rightfully belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.

**Note:** Yeah, I'm making fun of my _own_ portrayal of Inuyasha after a Kikyo break-up and yeah, you could say it's based off of the actual Inuyasha but save him some pride I'll say _loosely._ Just for his pride. ^-^

**Hey...get a life**

Inuyasha sat in his bathtub crying and eating ice cream. Although a major part of him realized that huddling in fetal position downing Cookies N' Creamis nowhere near manly, he also realized that he felt as though his life was over anyways and no one but his cats could see him.

Yes, cats. Plural.

They started accumulating shortly after his life ended. It started with Zero. Now there's Hana, Ryu, Kaminari, Yuuki, Kawaii, Doki, Hime and finally Hoshi. He picked her up as he was returning home with more ice cream. If not for the treadmill, he would seriously be overweight.

The cats were the only ones who spoke to because he was aware that he could imagine he was receiving unconditional love from them. Besides, he'd really hate it if his friends saw him now. A husk of a man amidst a transformation into a cat lady. All he needed was to start dressing them.

Maybe he should watch another chick flick? He checked the time. Actually his new favourite soap was coming on soon, he better wait until later. The sudden sound of his cell ringing stirred Inuyasha. He got up and sighed, he gave one last look at the depression he had been wallowing in before answering the phone.

He cleared his throat as to hide the fact that he had been crying since he woke up. "Yellow?"

"Um...Inuyasha...this is a little awkward but do you know where I left my earrings? The ruby red ones I always wear?"

Inuyasha bit his lip. He knew them well, in fact he had stolen them from her when she broke his heart. "I'm not sure...I think I might have seen them lying amongst the shattered pieces of my heart!"

Kikyo sighed on the other end. "Still not over us?"

Inuyasha blinked, realizing an inside thought had become an outside thought. "Er...I mean...no. I haven't seen them."

"Are you sure? I really need them and have been looking for them since last week," Kikyo didn't want to add since we broke up.

"What do you need them for?"

Silence.

"_For what_ do you need them for?" Inuyasha repeated himself.

"I understand that some people need more time to heal than others but we were constantly fighting and arguing and...I mean...c'mon...this time you actually felt the need to ask 'For good?' How can you still be torn up?" Kikyo blurted, although that last bit made her think of his cute expressions.

"So you've got a date?" Inuyasha decided to suck it up and try to salvage what little pride he had left, "I was just wondering. You know...I've...I've got one two." He looked down as Kawaii and Doki started to nuzzle his legs, "Girls have been all over me since you emancipated me." Inuyasha pulled the phone away from his face to sigh. That was only really a half lie since all his cats are girls. They have technically been all over him. And maybe if he didn't just leave the house to restock on ice cream, girls _would be_ all over him.

"Emancipate? What a big word for such a little pup," Kikyo giggled, a most harmonious sound Inuyasha had not had the luck of hearing for what felt like forever, "But you know, it almost sounds contradictory to that shattered-pieces-of-my-heart line you blurted out earlier."

"Well...anyways..." Inuyasha hung up his phone before flushing it down the toilet. He needed a new phone anyways. That one was filled with affection and joy...it clashed with his new life of self-pity and hopelessness.

Inuyasha sighed before picking up Kawaii. As he petted her, he noticed Doki strutting away most likely jealous. Inuyasha opened his mouth to apologize before he realized how dangerously close to deranged cat woman he really was.

"Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha jumped dropping Kawaii at the sound of his name. "Doki?" he turned back to the orange tabby slinking into his room.

"INUYASHA! OPEN THIS DOOR OR I'LL BREAK IT DOWN!"

Inuyasha turned to the door, where the sound _actually_ was coming from. He blinked twice before recognizing the first voice as Kagome and the second as Sango. He rolled his eyes.

"NOT BY THE HAIRS OF MY CHINNY-CHIN-CHIN!" he retorted.

"If you say so...Sango, it's time to KICK IT!" Inuyasha could actually imagine Miroku doing his little dance.

BAM!

Inuyasha stared at the place where a door once stood. Now all he saw was an empty doorway and the bottom of Sango's boot. Oh and Miroku and Kagome.

Miroku stepped in shortly after Sango put her foot back down. "PU! This place smells of self-pity, bitter loneliness and desperation."

Inuyasha scowled at Miroku. _I thought I had a sharp nose._

"And cats!" Kagome added.

Sango looked around. "It hit you hard, didn't it?"

Inuyasha refused to dignify that with a response.

Kagome yelped as something brushed against her. She looked down to see Kawaii. "Oh, so you got a cat?"

"Yes," Inuyasha answered simply.

Sango took a step towards the sofa only to hear a shrill screech. She looked down to find she was stepping on a tail. "Two cats?" she turned to Inuyasha.

"Yes."

As soon as Miroku sat down he heard a hissing sound. He turned to find Doki hissing at him. "Three?" he asked skeptically as he got up and moved.

"Yes," Inuyasha answered just before Hime nudged his shin. He picked her up and began to pet her, causing her to purr.

"Four?!" his friends chorused, shocked.

"Yes," Inuyasha replied before he heard the needy meow of a Kaminari heading to him for food.

"Five?" somehow they had managed to coordinate their eyebrow raising.

"Yes," he responded as he headed for the kitchen

"Is this all of them?" Miroku asked expecting them to just stared spilling out of the room in droves.

Inuyasha returned from the kitchen with Kaminari's food, three cats in tow, he decided not to answer Miroku's question.

"Eight?" they gasped.

Inuyasha patiently waited for Zero's arrival. After counting to fifteen, he turned to the doorway where Zero happened to make a not so grand entrance.

"Nine? You have _nine_ cats!" Kagome exclaimed.

Inuyasha nodded.

"In the course of a single week, you accumulated _nine_ cats?" Sango asked, incredulous.

Inuyasha was in the middle of nodding when a blue (yes, blue) cat caught his attention as it exited his washroom. His friends followed his gaze before looking back at him, shocked.

"Don't look at me," Inuyasha shrugged, "I don't even _know_ that cat." His eyes locked with the cats green eyes. He smiled and beckoned for the cat to come to him, bending down to its level.

His friends watched in awe as the odd blue cat came towards him and allowed him to pick it up. Inuyasha began to pet the cat, causing it to purr.

"You shall be Aiko," He decreed.

"Ten...you now have _ten_ cats," Miroku gaped.

Inuyasha nodded, "All girls," he began to name them all, "Kawaii, Yuuki, Doki, Hime, Kaminari, Houshi, Ryu, Hana, Zero and now Aiko." It was at the moment Inuyasha felt his friends mixed bewilderment and pity.

Sango sighed, shaking her head before getting up and heading to the kitchen. "What do you got to eat?"

Inuyasha stared at all his cats instead of responding.

"Nothing but Cookies N' Cream ice cream, ramen and cat food..." Sango gasped from the kitchen.

Inuyasha found his friends giving him pitiful stares. "I know...this is just...I just..."

"You are the very _definition_ of pathetic right now," Miroku sighed, "We need to find you a chick ASAP."

"If Shippo and Souta could see you now," Kagome shook her head, thankful she didn't bring either along.

Sango looked at Inuyasha wondering how he could have fallen so low in so little time. "Is Kikyo really worth this much woe?"

Inuyasha merely swallowed. He knew he had spent the entire weak being a pussy but...

"Don't tell me you spent the entire week, watching soaps and chick flicks?" Miroku scanned through his DVD collection.

"Not the _entire_ week..." Inuyasha mumbled.

Sango sighed, "The rest was in the tub eating ice cream?"

Inuyasha nodded slightly.

Kagome blinked before really looking at Inuyasha. "AND YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!" She stood up and buzzed around him, seeming to mourn the loss of his hair more than he would.

"It was getting a little long...that's all..." Inuyasha would rather not go through the story of him take a pair of scissors to his hair as he cried the night he and Kikyo broke up, but he sniffled a little at the memory.

Kagome took note of the numerous cats, stink of self-pity, bitter loneliness and depression, the ice cream downing, the soap opera and chick flick watching, the sitting and crying in his tub and the hair cutting probably to the tone of an emo song and sighed. She had come to one conclusion.

"Hey, Inuyasha...get a life."

* * *

Probably not too LOL but I was bored...


End file.
